He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
