i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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