Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
