Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
