How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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