Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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