I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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