he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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