He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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