let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
