I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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