Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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