Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
