what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
