Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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