this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
