I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
