So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
