been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
