I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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