I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How naked do you want me to be?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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