I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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