i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
