I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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