hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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