my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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