She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
