did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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