someone threw a dead crab at me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im holly from the hills drunk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
sex in a hospital.. check
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
