apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
