keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
