My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
