I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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