i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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