I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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