WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
