He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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