All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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