Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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