I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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