When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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