Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
