My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
