i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
