He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Mom said you looked used
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
