I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
