Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
whose parrot is this?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
