I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
