We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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