I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
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We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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