he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize