areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
