Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
