$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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