At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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