Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
