Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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