she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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