ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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