If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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