Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
