Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
