That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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