When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
