dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Mom said you looked used
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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