Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
