I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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