loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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