...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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