he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
