I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
