Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
