i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
