Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
