Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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