We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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