I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the day after is always just damage control
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
