you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
