at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
