I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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