U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
