You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
