Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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