I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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